what is embodied kink?

During sexual intimacy do you ask: Am I fully present, fully conscious and fully aware of myself and my partner(s) in this moment, within this sacred dance?

This sacred presence, for me, is the starting point for Embodied Kink. In my opinion, all too often, kink play lacks this awareness. For instance, if you go to a fetish/kink club where drink or drugs are involved and you engage in some impact play, then the chances are it’s not fully conscious, (I have no judgement if this is what you enjoy!). During the scene there maybe very little or no mention of boundaries or conversations regarding safe words, the traffic light system or simply checking in with the receiver their pain threshold. This is where our shadow can become the primary mover, where we step out of consent in order to satisfy our own needs, rather than from a trusting place of consensual reciprocity.

So let’s dive a little deeper into what is Embodied Kink. You might be aware of the term ‘Conscious Kink’ which is the more commonly referred usage within the kink community. And yes, it has all the right ingredients for safe and assured play; creating a ritual and sacred space, the defining boundaries and desires, the intention, employing safe words, use of the traffic light system and checking in with your partner whilst you’re in the D/s scene.

So what’s the difference between Embodied Kink and Conscious Kink? For me, the former has a greater emphasis on the inner landscape of each person in the act of kink play, what I mean by this is, there’s often a slower build up in order to self regulate and co-regulate our nervous systems. For instance , this can include some breath work and vocalizing an internal weather report; what energy is moving in me in this moment as I sit in front of this person about to engage in some fun and juicy play? What is the texture of my emotional, energetic and physical body right now? What am I noticing in the other(s)? How regulated am I feeling in my body? Asking to Pause during play is also a wonderful thing, allowing our bodies to bathe in the glow of the touch and to breathe into it so that we can enjoy the sacredness of this moment more fully.

From this place of presence and somatic noticing, we can move with our partner(s) into co-regulated play, using breath, sound and movement to harmonize our nervous systems so it becomes one organic functioning unit for the magic to thrive. This can be building up the energy through various touch techniques or breathing together in Yab Yum for instance. The beauty of this full body listening is that we can feel more sensations coursing through our body, we can experience full body bliss and pleasure without the need for or the chasing of ejaculation.

Once our systems are fully down regulated and we’re feeling harmonically embodied, the agreed D/s dynamic and scene can flow mutually. For me, the inter-connectedness that I feel with my partner during a scene when I’m feeling fully embodied and owning my power and desires, can feel super charged in a blissful, grounded and loving way.